Apart AND together
Alone and Thriving
When out walking I regularly pass this scene.
A neighbour’s front garden had a minimalist design with stone chippings and a central point with a large tub growing several alpines.
I would smile at the fact that some way from the central tub, a renegade seedling had taken root and was growing in the seemingly barren gravel at quite a distance from the communal tub. It looked like one plant had escaped, I thought.
It was alone and thriving.
Brighter and Stronger
What particularly struck me was the fact that the singular plant was more vibrant, and seemed stronger and healthier than those grouped together.
Which led me to muse about the nature of standing out alone, away from the crowd.
Being Led By The Tribe
Now, I am a big fan of the tribe, the community, the group.
I understand that part of our ancient survival depended on us fitting in with the group, belonging, and making connections with our community.
Certainly, we feel more protected, if we belong to a group.
We know disconnection can be unhelpful to our emotional and spiritual well-being.
But what is the price if it leads us to lose our own identity in favour of supporting the group identity?
Silenced By Fear Of Rejection
When we are in harmony with our group and our thoughts and feelings are in line with the “established order”, we feel comfortable.
It feels like home.
But it is deeply uncomfortable when we have a yearning to do something against the established norm dictated by our community.
We feel restless when we want to express ourselves in a way we fear may be judged by others in our environment.
This is why we sometimes deny that creative part of Self. The part that wants to go out on a limb and do something different. We curtail our impulses and give ourselves excuses or reasons for not daring to be different. Excuses like, “it probably wouldn’t work anyway” or, “I’ll simply end up looking stupid, so what is the point?”.
But inside, that creative impulse continues to rattle its cage, and we feel unsettled, unfulfilled, and anxious.
We may not even know why we feel so restless and worried.
Daring To Listen To Self
In comparison, when we dare to follow our inner, authentic impulse we make ourselves vulnerable.
It feels risky, life-threatening even.
But when we do, we allow the world to see something that is from our core. Not something that is already out there as the approved norm. Something that is uniquely us.
So, if that gets rejected, ridiculed, dismissed, or ignored. It hurts. It hurts deeply.
This is why feels safer to try and merge in with the crowd. Don’t take the risk.
We adopt a mistaken belief that it is better to give up on the chance of growing in exchange for the security of belonging.
But here’s the thing, if we don’t follow our inspiration, if we don’t dare to put ourselves out there, we hurt anyway.
Worse still, if we routinely deny our true spirit we develop a low level chronic pain that continues to hum through our being for as long as refuse to explore our ideas.
No Guarantees, And That's Okay!
We are creative beings. When the seeds of our being take flight it is a leap of faith.
Our ideas and seedling dreams may hit thorny ground and perish before they have time to grow.
But they may land on fertile soil and our creative impulses grow into something strong, healthy, and authentically us!
And sometimes, they may hit thorny ground and grow into something strong, healthy, and authentically us despite being against all odds!
Some dreams are put out there and the little seeds of potential just sit, and sit, and then sit some more. Until just the right time comes when the conditions are perfect for growth.
Then little by little our dreams unfurl and come into being.
And maybe we are lucky enough for someone else to come along with a watering can.
The Point Is, To Honour Ourselves
When we deny our creativity or stay quiet when we have something to say, we are subjecting ourselves to the very thing we fear most.
Way before anyone else rejects us, we reject us.
We reject our own ideas before anyone else has the chance to consider them. We reject our right to have an opinion or idea even before it has been shared.
And we deny the world the chance to really see us and perhaps be inspired by us. We rob the world of a new idea and the chance for the second dancer on the hill to join us.
But even without the support of the second dancer, we may find ourselves alone and thriving.
Alone can be healing.
Embrace the Exhiliration of Daring.
If it doesn’t maliciously injure self or anyone else, dare to march to the beat of your own drum.
Be daringly different or quietly out of step.
Whichever feeds your soul best.
Sometimes being apart from the crowd is where you need to go to get yourself together.
The outcomes are never guaranteed but the growth of positive self-awareness is.
And that is always a good thing.
I love working with people who instinctively know they have so much more to offer life and want to start putting their dreams into action. People who recognise a cycle of self-undermining habits preventing them from fully pursuing their dreams.
Therapy can be hugely beneficial in putting you back in touch with your creative self and eliminating the fearful or uncertain aspects of your mind that prevent you from reaching your true potential.
Start taking yourself seriously and begin to work with yourself, rather than against. If you keep doing the same thing, the same outcomes are guaranteed. Is it time for you to break the cycle?
With a smile and warm regards,